Hello Rerr! Wee Boaby here! How are Ye all Doing? I jist had tae Write to let Ye all know of a recent Experience that I had.
It all started when the Better half, Ella, Decided That after 30 years of Marital Bliss, The Auld bitch Wid up and off, For a couple of weeks to look after Hur Auntie Nellie, Fae Dumbarton, Who Cut her foot Rather badly, After standing on an Empty Carlesberg Bottle lying on the Living room Floor!
Now am no a Wee boy, And am quite capable of looking after maself, So no problem I thought! But after about 4 days, I suddenly realised that the Kitchen Cupboard was getting a bit bare, And there was no clean plates left!, Time for a visit to the Shops!
Now I have to admit, My experience of shopping over the past 30 years, Has consisted of popping into the corner shop for 20 Embassy, The Daily Record and maybe Half a Dozen rolls. So when I ventured into the local Super Market, I was amazed at how things had changed! Soft lights,Background Music, And loads upon loads of big Signs!
Now it was the last one that caught my attention, Whit a good idea! It keeps the youth of Today off the Streets, And it has to be a better career, Than mugging Pensioners, Or selling contraband Baccy down the Barra's
So once I got maself squared up, Straightened the Bonnet and had a firm grip on the trolly, Off I went, Up and Down the aisles looking for ma Shopping!
After about Half an Hour I struggled up to the till and put ma goods on the wee elevator thing! 2 bottles of Grouse, 6 cans of Export, 1 packet of Paper Plates and a bag of Tatties! OH YES! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING! - But I've never liked those Bloody Frozen Chips! Well after all I am a man of Quality!
Anyway I hands over my cash, Bags up the Messages and Asks if I can get it taken to my car?
NO PROBLEM, SIR- Said the wee wuman, Without moving off her Arse, Speaks into a Microphone and The next thing a wee boy appears, Grabs my bags and heads for the door!
As I left the Store, Feeling rather Pleased we masel
The wee boy was standing there, And said "Where's your
car parked Mister?" "It's in the Garage outside ma Hoose
I says to him", Then he muttered something about "Silly
old Bastards", Dropped my bags into a trolly and went
back inta the store!
As luck would have it, The Manager was at the desk, And I explained to him the Problem! Only he was am Orential Gentleman and I couldn't Understand half of what he was saying! The Bit I could understand I didn't like, And I presented him the Glasgow Kiss! And was in the process of Strangling him With his ASDA tie when a Wuman Employee explained That a Car-Park Patron, Was someone who uses the Car Park and it had nothing to do with the Pope!
Well it was a understandable mistake, But would he shake hands? NO! He would call Security and have me Removed, All this Despite the fact that it never said on his Bluddy Sign That your car HAD to be in the Car-Park!
Just to end a miserable day, After I picked myself off The road, Where Security Dumped me, And Dusted myself Down, Ther was no sign of my Shopping! Some Dirty Bugger had NABBED it. So if YOU are reading this?